What exactly is the point in me being at work I wonder when I have got nothing to do? I mentioned this earlier this morning to various people and the response was a muttered…”oh ah..hmm..yes…I’m sure there is something…hmm…..I’ll speak to….” That was around 3 hours ago. Since then I have bought a saddle on ebay, generally stared at my computer screen and made myself lots of cups of tea. Soon I may go to the shop to buy myself a drink as this will take longer. I hate having nothing to do. Yet still, for some reason, maintaining the pretence of working by having a file open in front of me and the relevant software on my screen. This is why I hated my last, last job. I just spend all day looking at the time, which seems to tick backwards. I was even supposed to be going on a job in Leeds next week, which would have been great because its home, but also actually doing something, but now for some reason I’m not, which seems crazy and there is no reason behind it. I mean, its not like I have done anything wrong. Though what I am doing is not going to be particularly great since I am SO bored. The last job was the complete opposite, always manically busy, and lots more pressure (mind you some would be more here) but I enjoyed it more in a kind of permanently stressed way. It’s been a bit like this since I started here, and it just saps any motivation I might have. I am thinking about applying for another job but am not sure that it looks very good to leave after only 2 months. Im having a bit of a hamster in his wheel day I think. Feel like I will never get anywhere, and am just running around in perpetually decreasing circles. In other slightly more inspiring news, I went to Leeds festival at the weekend (no of course I didn’t camp) which was much fun. Ah yes and a lot of my background appears to be in German, and the links are mostly linking to nowhere. Try to ignore this I shall sort it out….some day…. Oh, and its my birthday in 32 days!

29.8.06 15:35 Permalink / 2 Comments / comment

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24.8.06 14:58 Permalink / 4 Comments / comment

Oh look....  I remembered my password! Does anyone still live around here?

23.8.06 15:15 Permalink / 7 Comments / comment

I'm a copy cat Laurieloo can't do anything on her own! Anyway, for obvious reasons I dont really want this stuff publicly visible. I did go out with him last night. He has told someone else at work, so I asked what he had said, but that was all that was said about it really. We just kind of pretended it wasn't happening. To be honest I think I almost believe that myself sometimes I am doing such a good job. I have decided I am going to have an abortion now. I have to ring the doctor and get myself booked in either this afternoon or in the morning (who am I kidding- of course I am going to put it off to the morning). I think I have almost be trying to want to want it if you know what I mean. But, despite the fact that I really like J, and I think it shouldnt be like this, and it is sad, I don't want it. I know I would love it if I did have it. I am certain of that. But I can't do it. So, I feel like I'm kind of waiting for something to hit me I guess. Today I am feeling quite sick, so so so tired and fat. I dont think you can really tell to be honest. But I can tell. It is 2 months at the end of September. So in a week. When can you start to tell? Obviosly I dont want anyone to see. Oh yes, and someone at work, bless him, has organised a huge night out next friday for my birthday and keeps checking things with me....that's the last thing I want to think about! Oh AND someone else at work recently left on maternity leave and is coming in this lunchtime with the baby to go to lunch with everyone....like i need to be looking at a newborn for an hour??? ...and breathe. Ok feel better now.

22.9.05 12:32 Permalink / 6 Comments / comment